Spiritual Marriage Counseling: Contentment is a Choice

Spiritual Marriage Counseling is about creating contentment in a relationship. Contentment is not based on circumstances. It is the power of focusing your energy effectively in any situation – it is the choices you make every second of your life. It is taking action to change your circumstance while focusing on the joy in your present situation. Satisfying a desire differs from contentment because it does depend on circumstance and is usually fleeting. It’s easy for us to feel good when our desires met are met by a partner. But this cycle of looking for contentment by fulfilling desires is not a spiritual existence, it’s a hamster wheel life because it is not a constant and this is especially true in marriage.

Often we feel blissful when we get a new job, a new romance, or other token that we want. How often does that bliss last? The newness simply does not stay new. Many couples in marriage counseling say “I want the relationship I had when we were first dating.” New love ends because the oxytocin, serotonin, adrenalin, and endorphins wear off. What people are left with is the desire for the high and a misunderstanding of what it takes to build love and contentment in a spiritual marriage. Spiritual love is a result of the choices you make with your partner.

A Genie grants a man 3 wishes.
The man asks that his wife die so he may find a better one.
Poof: She’s dead.
At the funeral, friends and family say how wonderful she was. The man realizes his mistake and asks the Genie to bring her back.
Poof: She’s alive again.
Having one remaining wish, the man ponders, but cannot think of what wish is best. So, he asks the Genie for a suggestion.
The Genie laughs, then says, “Ask to be content no matter what you get”.

I don’t suggest that couples give up all desires, that would be foolhardy. Rather, the point of spiritual marriage counseling is learning that marital contentment begins with self contentment. Self contentment begins with an awareness of and embracing one’s own inner life, emotions, needs, and purpose. From that point learning to be content with each other is a matter of choosing to remain in love, each second of every day.

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